Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
