I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
