If that was your dad, he is hot
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize