Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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