And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
