seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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