Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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