I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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