I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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