Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
