i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize