So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
