I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
