I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize