I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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