I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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