I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
