my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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