He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
