my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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