Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
