Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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