Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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