barbara walters just said penis...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
