Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
