Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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