I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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