When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
