Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
