I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
