omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There r osticjed everywhere
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
