Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
