If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
