I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
