i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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