i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
