drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
