you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize