i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
