I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life