i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale