do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
