He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
