you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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