dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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