I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
