remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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