I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
