we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
