WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
