you win again, gameday.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
