I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
