I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
