i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My penis needs a shock collar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
