Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
