Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
