I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
