I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
