I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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