So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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