Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my liver is dry heaving
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
