Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
third nipple confirmed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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