I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
