So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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