sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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