1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
