some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
