I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
