It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
