So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
