I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
