Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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