i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sex in a hospital.. check
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
