Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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