My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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