i think my mom watched the whole time
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
