I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
