Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
