Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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