I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You took a bar mat shot.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
