I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
