You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
