I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this will be a night to untag.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
