i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
