Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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