Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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