Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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